DRINK IT
IN
I am totally and completely infatuated with life.
Yes, I
am that person. I am happy every single
day. I live with a smile that never
seems to fade. I am so freaking happy, some days my pleasure may actually tick
other people off. I have never and will
never find a good enough excuse to not enjoy a moment. Several years ago I came
across an inspirational line, “Life is a great big canvas, and you should try
to throw all the paint on it you can” by the early American singer, actor, and
comedian Danny Kaye. My mom has been quoting a similar phrase the last few
years. Live, Love, Laugh. It is behind Danny Kaye’s mantra that I find
my philosophy and inspiration to life.
There are 3 central characters who each
faced some type of adversity in life that have honed my outlook on life. Adversity – oh how you have inspired me. Life is a crazy complex beast and you never
know what is coming your way. Each of
these wonderful people taught me more in adversity than I have learned in any
other moments of my life.
My first
story deals with what it feels like to hurt and finding the good hidden within
any situation. Life is like a box of chocolates. Family is supremely important to me. There is no single thing that is more
important than family. I come from a pretty big, amazing family. I fit in the middle of the pack, Gretchen, Evan,
Mason, and Sydney, or as mom dubbed us, the GEMS. We are a very tight knit unit. My dad, Brian
and mom, Heather, have together for twenty five years! It’s always loud and
hectic when we are home. I love my family and could not imagine a day were I did not have them to lean on.
Growing up, I had lots of friends from
different social groups. I could get
along with just about anyone, but my older sister Gretchen was my best friend.
While in my early years, I spent all my time with her. Back in the day when
Gretchen and I were little we were inseparable.
We were only 2 years apart in age but had plenty in common. We’d play
Barbie’s and Rescue Heroes together, then paint each other’s nails and play in
the mud. As we grew up together the
dynamic of our relationship changed, but that childhood closeness was something
we never lost.
The defining moment for me occurred last
year. It was a Friday in March; I got a
text in class from my older sister that said “I need to talk to you after
school”. If you’ve never been on the receiving end of those words, it’s similar
to being told, “Put your hands above your head and close your eyes, and wait to
be punched.” You don’t know where or
what’s about to happen but it’s definitely going to hurt. So I went through the day knowing I would get
to have my dreaded conversation at the end of the day. The time came and we
were at Steak n’ Shake having a sit down to a milkshake. She dropped the mother
of all bombshells on me. In the back of
my head, I had been thinking all day.
Then she said it, “I’m pregnant”. I tried hard to convince myself that I
would love this baby, but everything within me wanted to be mad and hate
everyone. In that moment my mind went
into auto-pilot, I needed to survive the conversation so I could go home and
process the news. I went home, cancelled my plans for the night, and went up to
my room.
I spent the next nine months of my life
feeling betrayed, pissed off, and in shock. My big sister was dang near the
perfect child so this curveball hit me out of nowhere. I just kept saying to
myself, “how could she do this to us?” As the December due date grew nearer, I
attempted to let go of some of my bitterness, and prepare for a new addition to
our family. However hard I tried, I still felt bitter towards the future
experiences and future memories
It was December the twenty second over
Christmas break when we got the call from my mom. My niece had arrived and it was time to come
see her. Dad loaded us into the truck and we headed over to the hospital. On
that drive over something changed. I suddenly
found myself so giddy I couldn’t wait any longer; I left the family standing in
the lobby and ran ahead into the recovery room. I opened the door saw her, my
newborn baby niece, Kalin Diane Baker. I held her in my arms. She was so tiny and innocent. It was a magical moment. I felt all anger I had towards my sister
melting away. It was just a few days
away from Christmas, and I made the connection that family is a gift, and one
that is truly irreplaceable and I was holding the newest 8 lbs asset of our family.
In the year since my niece came into this world, we have been splattering paint
all over Danny Kaye’s canvas of life.
The second central character in shaping my
life philosophy is my younger brother Mason.
Mason is special. I will never
understand why some people have to put others down in order to feel better
about themselves. No one is who walks this Earth gets the privilege of being
perfect. We all have flaws. In all honesty, I think that’s what makes the world
so great. A world full of unrefined and unique people creates a world place
where everyone can have a marvelous purpose. My baby brother Mason isn’t smart,
he isn’t coordinated, he isn’t aware of his surroundings, and socially he is
often-times totally embarrassing. I have
never met a person more pure of heart.
Mason loves with all of his being.
Mason was born just eighteen months after
me, but even from his first day the odds were stacked against him. Mason was
born with an array of disabilities; Asperger’s, Autism, and Cerebral Palsy to
name a few. The doctors told us he would never walk. Never talk. Basically
would never amount to anything, being a vegetable his entire life. Mason
required extensive healthcare. He
required daily therapy visits, countless operations, special feeding tubes, and
breathing apparatuses, and nearly round the clock care. I remember making many of those visits for
him to work with physical, occupational, and speech therapists, along with some
of top doctors and surgeons in the country. Through his first few years his development
was slow, and I know he lived in almost constant pain. By his 6th or 7th
birthday he had learned to get around with a walker, was just beginning to
speak, and could be fed manually through a tube instead of a pump. Amazing progress, but still not the kind of
life experience that caused me to wear a smile every single day.
Growing up with a brother you aren’t
allowed to play with is one of the most confusing things as a kid. Mason was
always getting special attention from mom, dad, and the grandparents. Why was
he so special? He didn’t do much of anything.
It was almost as if he was a prized trophy, and I wasn’t allowed to
touch or look at for fear of breaking it.
The years would progress and so would
Mason’s abilities. It was hard for me relate and find connections with my
little brother in the early years, but that would change. My seventh grade year my family was forced to
move from our beloved home in Carmel, into a transition apartment in St. Louis.
My dad had recently sold off his business, and taken a job with Citigroup and
needed to move to New York or St. Louis.
So we packed up and crammed all 6 of us into a little three-bedroom
apartment while we waited on our house to sell and hunted for a new one. The
move was hard on the whole family. My oldest sister, whom I was closest with,
went into a very depressed state. My little sister had met a little girlfriend
the same age in the room above us. I found myself without the two siblings with
which I had been closest. All I had was Mason.
Just great.
I remember those lonely Friday nights like
they were yesterday. Staying at home by myself was a concept completely unbeknownst
to me. Every day, I would come home, and turn on the Xbox, my surrogate new
best friend.
The move
to Missouri was, however, great for Mason. There was a massive grass field by
our place; more wide open space out back, pools, playgrounds, and a huge
recreation center full of games. This
spot was a haven for him. One thing about special needs kids is that most of
them can have a good time about anywhere.
The kid could have a good time anytime and anywhere. I found that to be
so admirable. That was Mason. He was having the time of his life and the
rest of us were miserable. I really leeched onto that happiness with everything
I had. I needed an excuse to stay positive and happy in my new environment, and
it was so easy around him.
Things started to change. I would now come home to our little apartment
and go to our room, which Mason and I were sharing (again a new concept for me)
to find what he was doing. It was me,
asking him, what he wanted to do. Whatever
it was, I would just roll with it. His excitement was infectious. On some days it would be going swimming, the
next day we would fly a kite. Some days
we would just play videogames. If you always do what you’ve always done, you
will always get what you’ve always got.
With Mason, it was always an adventure, and it was always exciting. I
remember some days doing the simplest silly things, like walking over to the
pond where the geese where just so we could chase them! It was this period,
this youthful, fun-loving spirit that came to define our relationship.
I truly believe that it was the short
stint in St. Louis where we changed from just brothers to also being best buddies.
I owe so much to that kid. He is an inspiration to me every single day of my
life. He taught me to never lose my sense of wonder in the world, because he
sees the world the way I think we all used to, that being: the world is a
playground. You only get one chance at this life and its not how you enter it
or how you leave it, but how you decide to fill every moment in between. Mason helps me throw paint on the canvas of
life every single day. I carry my little
brother with me every day, and that’s why I can’t help but smile.
That last major character involved in
shaping my philosophy in life I met on the football field. The game of football has taught me many
lessons in life over the years, but there is one coaching motivational quote that rings true for me is
- Play every play like it’s your last.
I’m a part of the Carmel football team and
we had been working our butts off all summer getting ready for our senior
year. I’m one of the starters for the
offensive line. Marcus Peasley was one
of the returning starters from the previous year. Marcus was kind of the Knute Rockne in our
group. Always pumping us up and pushing
us. It had been a relatively uneventful start
to fall football practice and we were headed into our second week of two-a-days
completely unaware of the disastrous chain of events to follow that first week
of practice. The quarterback call a simple
run play and everyone was doing well, everyone except my fellow brother and
teammate Marcus. He went right when everyone else went left, it caused a pile
up and he wsa trapped by friendly fire down around his legs. I can vividly recall the guttural scream he
let out. We knew it was bad. He was down
on the ground and wasn’t getting up. The trainer came over and Marcus was eventually
carted off the field and we were left with an unsettling feeling lingering
around us.
We would later get the news delivered that
Marcus had broken his foot and torn some ligaments in his leg, his season was
done. Getting this news was hard for the
team as whole; Marcus’s senior season was over before it even got started. Marcus loved the game of football like I
do. You can take the boy out of
football, but you can’t take football out of the boy. How would he deal with the injury, what was
emotions was he dealing with. It was here that I found one of my greatest
lessons in life to hone my philosophy. The game of football is played one game
at a time just like life is lived, one day at a time. You truthfully never know
when your last day is coming. That’s why I think death is so scary, because at
any moment it could all be over. Marcus
taught me to bust it out every day and every play, so that when it is all said
and done, you have no regrets and nothing left to give.
Life is so short, enjoy it while you can
and live in the moment. Smile. Never lose your wonder in the world. Never
forget, the world is a playground and like Danny Kaye said, “Life is a great
big canvas, and you should try to throw all the paint on it you can.”
Drink it in.
I certainly try.
